Second Pregnancy, Birth Story, and a Successful VBAC in Singapore

Waiting in the delivery room

My first birth experience did not go the way I planned. I had planned for a natural delivery with minimal medical intervention. I was relatively young, healthy, my pregnancy was smooth, and my mom was able to deliver all her four babies naturally, so I was sure I could do it. Long story short, I was 41.5 weeks along with no signs of labor, I was induced but baby's heart rate dropped, and after a long day of waiting at the delivery room (nothing happened and there wasn't any contractions), I went into an emergency cesarean under epidural. My daughter was born healthy and I was well, but I was negatively affected by my less-than-ideal birth experience and I questioned in my mind what went wrong. My heart was not set right before God and He taught me a lesson, more on this below.

First picture with my daughter after cesarean

I truly desire to have a natural delivery. When I knew I was pregnant again mid last year, I started researching for doctors who favor natural birth, reading on tips to prepare for a natural delivery, exercises to do, food to eat and avoid, and things like that. Most important of all, I fasted and prayed that 1) God willing, I could have a natural birth, if not, that I would feel peace about it all. 2) that whatever the end result will be, let His name be glorified.

My previous gyne had advised me against VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) from the beginning due to my height and cesarean experience. I went to a few doctors whom were referred to me as 'pro-natural,' but they cost an arm and a leg. I ended up going to another gyne who is not well-known as 'pro-natural' but was kind and willing to work with me on my requests.

This second pregnancy was a bit more complicated. I normally have low blood pressure, but this pregnancy made it worse. I fainted a few times in my first trimester. I had a few eye infections and swelling. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. And I was group strep B positive. Knowing all the complications I was having, my doctor warned me many times that her priority is a healthy baby, and only then a natural delivery. I agreed. And I was at peace.

A healthy baby

Starting my last trimester, when I started to feel more back pain and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GB) and group strep B positive, I regularly went to see a chiropractor to help relief my back pain and correct misalignments in the pelvic and lower back area to relax the uterus, thus allowing the baby to get in the right position. I also strictly controlled my diet, eating very minimal added sugar (the main issue of having GB is that the baby will be too big if I don't control my diet, which means a higher chance for cesarean), and adding a lot of protein because I read it helps to keep the water bag strong (being a group strep B positive means that if my water breaks, I have to immediately go to the hospital to get injected with antibiotics and I did not want that, especially if I am not yet in labor. It will set me up for many medical interventions and a much higher chance for another cesarean). I also started drinking red raspberry leaf teas, pineapples, food that supposedly help induce labor naturally, walked a lot, did curb walking, climbed stairs, did pelvic exercises and stretches, and 'spent time' with my husband. Basically trying my best to prepare myself for a natural delivery. My husband kept reminding me that we have to do our part the best we can, and if God grants us our request, then we can be physically and mentally prepared, if not, at least we know we have tried our best and there will be no regret. So we did. And we enjoyed many long walks, chats, and good quality time together especially towards the end of my pregnancy.

Enjoying the last few days before giving birth -
picking her up from school and spending
precious time with her, just the two of us.

Elin being my pillow while I do pelvic stretches

Forty and a half weeks along, I felt my first contraction, which continued for fifteen hours, then off we went to the hospital. After another some fifteen hours in the hospital, with the help of epidural and a forcep, I was able to deliver my baby boy naturally. It wasn't the smoothest delivery. My baby's heart rate was closely monitored because his heart rate dropped below normal a few times, I was having fever and very low blood pressure. My doctor came back a few times saying that I might have to go for cesarean if my condition didn't stabilize. I also had a really painful infection that lasted more than two weeks post birth, and hemorrhoids, but with all that happened, God still granted my heart's desire for a successful VBAC and I am overwhelmed with gratefulness. It is a lesson I learned from my first pregnancy to always set my heart right before God and that in everything we do, in all our accomplishments, that we may not boast and that God's name be glorified.

"And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." - Ephesians 2:8b-9

Having experienced both ways, I still can't decide which way is better or worse for me personally, but I know God's way is best.

In retrospect, having been diagnosed with gestational diabetes was probably a blessing in disguise because anymore than my baby's birth weight would have been impossible for a natural delivery. According to the doctor, my 3 kg baby was the maximum that my body could handle.

Note: This post is not intended to make anyone feel inferior or superior about delivery methods. Whether we give birth naturally or via cesarean do not affect our relationships with our children and their health. We have options in this modern time and we can choose whichever delivery method we prefer. The end goal is the same - to deliver the baby safely and that mama is well. I'm always thankful for doctors and medical knowledge whenever they are needed. If you are one who would like to try VBAC in Singapore, I hope you find this post encouraging. It is possible to have VBAC even though it is not common here. My advise is find a good doctor who are willing to work with you, do your part the best you can, and pray for peace to guard your heart whatever the outcome will be. God's ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Introducing our son, John Sidarto:

Fist photo after delivery

When Elin first met her baby brother

First family picture

Two weeks old John

Love

Proud Daddy

My sweet angel

First proper family picture

My Sewing Journey: It's Never Too Late to Learn A New Skill... and Never Give Up!

I started learning to sew three months before my daughter was born. I braved myself and bought a second hand sewing machine, not knowing anything about it and how to use it. 

I started to watch online tutorials and familiarized myself with sewing terms and machine parts and I was so happy when I made my ever first sewing project - a small tissue holder. I even added lace, I thought it was so fancy. I was so proud of this first accomplishment.

 Then I bought zippers and I wanted to learn how to sew in zippers, sos I made a small pouch. Though far from perfect, it was another milestone for me.

Then I wanted more. I wanted to know more, learn more, and make more, but there was so much information online I started to get lost, so I made an investment to take four basic sewing lessons with someone I found off craigslist. It was not cheap but in retrospect, it was well worth it. I became more comfortable with my basic stitches, I was able to ask all my questions from learning myself, and most importantly, the teacher gave me a boost of confidence that I could do more and better with regular practice. I told my teacher I really wanted to try make this handbag, but I was too intimidated to try it. She simply said: "You can do this." And just like that, I felt that much more confident of my ability, despite my limited knowledge, that I could do it. Then I know, this is why I paid so much money to learn - not so much for the how-to's, but for these precious intangibles. Fresh out of the class, I made the handbag, with many challenges that involved a broken needle and lots of painful unpickings, but I was able to follow the steps from the beginning until the end, and learned a lot of new sewing skills in between.

Since then I experimented with ruffles, inserting buttons, smocking, making dresses for my baby girl, quilts, household products, and more. 

A stand-mixer cover

Sewing Machine Cover

Christmas Tree Skirt

My daughter's first birthday dress

A Clutch

Quilt for Baby #2

Quilt for Baby Niece

(You can find all the tutorials through my arts and crafts album on my facebook page)

It is very true that you get better with practice. With more practice, the more stable, comfortable, and confident you get with the machine and sewing techniques. I don't like the process of measuring, cutting, and pressing fabrics, but they are all crucial to the final product. There is no short cut. And it is so with anything in life. So I am learning to enjoy the process. And I learn that the process of learning is more important than the final product itself, because it teaches us perseverance and discipline. 

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope" - Romans 5:3-4

Hope this inspires and encourages us to never give up. It is also never too late (or too early) to learn a new skill! I asked my husband sometimes if sewing is a waste of time, and he said "I wish someone taught me some very practical skills when I was young, which I can pass on to my children. Now you can." :)

Treasuring Her Littleness

It's good to be back home after an extended break in the US. We spent quite a bit of time in the woods where there was limited internet access. It was refreshing to get away from life's daily distractions, especially from media and gadgets. I started noticing things that I otherwise would not, especially the little things. We talked more. We played more. We cooked more and enjoyed seeing my family finished all the food so eagerly. I noticed the little sweet things that my husband did for us, like carrying our luggage in and out and driving long distances across the country while all of us slept in the car. We were outdoors more and we saw more. If it was just otherwise a regular sunset, this time we were able to admire how beautiful sunset was. We breathed life. 

I especially noticed my daughter's precious littleness. I am a stay at home mom and I have all the time in the world with her. But that is not usually the case at home when I'm in front of the computer or holding my phone all day long. I spend very little time with her and always wondered where time goes (sadly, to media of course). Her chuckles, her silly poses and acts, her compassionate expressions, and her curiosity for all things. I held her little hands more often, instead of typing away on my phone. I played with her more instead of blogging away. We laughed more. I kissed her, tickled her, chased her, splashed water at each other, picnicking by the river, and saw how mesmerized a little kid could be with just a bunch of rocks. 

So I'm back now, determined, to treasure her littleness, because I know she will grow up one day (so very soon) and she won't be this little anymore. There is so much truth to this verse:

"He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them." - Mark 10:14-16

The sincerity of hearts and the laughter of little children are so pure, I always have something to learn from them. So I want to try to:

Hold her hands when I walk
Look at her when we talk
Say less of "no, later"
Say "yes" more often (because many times I say no to her because I'm either busy on the computer or phone or it's inconvenient for me).
Let her get out more often and play (even though I like being at home)

Maybe that means I will blog less and not reply to messages immediately. As much as I like to write and keep this blog alive, I have to keep my priorities in order - to be keepers of my family first then the other things will follow.

When Eating Healthy Is No Longer Healthy or Not An Option

I was so strict during the first few months of making the switch to eat healthily. I avoided all kinds of junk food, processed food, vegetable oil, MSG, high fructose corn syrup, refined grains, juices, sodas, sugar, unfermented soy, switched all my cooking ingredients to healthier ones, and added new "food" into my diet that I found healthy, such as coconut oil, fermented cod liver oil, and grass-fed food. Even the littlest bite of "unhealthy food" looked gross to me and avoided at all cost. It's the kind of feeling you get at the sight of McDonalds after you watch documentaries such as Super Size Me or Fast Food Nation. I couldn't imagine why I would let myself consume such food and have my body process such poison. A few years have passed and I find myself being more flexible with my food choices. I go out and enjoy food in restaurants, I let my daughter eat refined noodles, white rice, or even candy from time to time and I'm not as stressed out as before. I realize that there are more to life than just healthy living. If we can't enjoy the company of others, restrict ourselves to only cooking at home because outside food contains something unhealthy, and thus we miss out all experiences from exploring places or traveling and warm fellowships, then is it all worth it? I remembered reading somewhere that laughing will cause wrinkles, but should we not laugh because we are afraid of getting wrinkles? Does it mean we shouldn't go out and enjoy life because we are afraid we will "inhale" pollution? We will be so miserable and we will miss out so much of this world if we are too perfectionist.

I was a perfectionist about eating only what I thought was healthy and perfection almost killed. I am so glad that I've come to terms with the fact that I cannot control everything. And there will be times when eating healthy is no longer an option and we have to accept these exceptions.

- The Food Industry: School kids get to eat fast food on field trips because the fast food industry give free sponsorship to schools and schools don't usually say no to free sponsorship. The food industry can get away with so many things and we cannot control them. Then would you tell your children not to eat what they have been given and be the only "outcast" while the rest of her friends get to enjoy their fast food? As much as I would like to say no, I will not. My responsibility is to teach and encourage the little ones to be wise in making decisions and prayerfully they will understand what is good and what is not.

- The Sick: Think about a really sick person who has lost all appetite for food and is so thin from enduring a serious, prolonged illness. If he could only eat (and can eat a lot more) when you give him white rice versus brown rice, or fried chicken versus steamed chicken, or sweetened milk versus plain grass fed milk, by all means, let him be. He needs to get all the calories he can get to be strong again. Who am I to say that these foods are forbidden and he is not to eat any of these foods because they are not aligned with my "healthy food" philosophy. 

- Where There is No Other Option: Someone argued with me that if he were to be stranded in the middle of a place hungry and he could only see a fast food joint, would I allow him to eat fast food or let him starve?

I believe no one in their right mind will force their practice of healthy living under special circumstances. So I realize that there are exceptions and it is good to be flexible and adapt to different circumstances.

You could say that I now live by the 80-20 rule now. I try my best to give my family the best when they are at home and nourish their bodies with healthy food as much as possible. But the other 20% of time, we go out and enjoy our life and I believe that through the 80% of right nourishment, our bodies are able to better handle the less-healthy food that we consume the rest of the time. 

What are your thoughts about eating healthy?

Fruits of the Flesh and the Spirit

One of our favorite fruits called jambu air (rose apple),
an exotic tropical fruit.

We talk a lot on this blog about living healthy, about eating pastured food, about choosing the right kinds of fats, about using natural sweeteners, and about living a natural lifestyle. It nourishes our body when we eat healthy food. But are we feeding the healthy food that our spirit needs?

"But he answered, 'It is written, "'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.''" - Matthew 4:4

The Bible explicitly says what unhealthy food for the spirit are. They are flesh desires that are contrary to the spirit. 

"For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."  - Galatians 5:17-21

And it gives us clear guidance of what we need to feed our spirit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

We need to feed our spirit with:

Love. We are called to love God and everyone regardless of status, race, and religion.

He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" - Luke 10:27

Joy. We are called to trust in Him and be joyful in hope.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." - Psalm 28:7

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12

Peace. We need to make peace with other people. There can be tensions in the family, but blessed are those who are the peace-makers.

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." - James 3:17

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." - Matthew 5:9

Patience. We need to be patient while enduring our "crosses," because "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4)

"This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus. - Revelation 14:12"

Kindness. We need to be kind, to show kindness, and to teach kindness to our children by being a good example ourselves.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." - Proverbs 31:26

Goodness. The Word of God is good food for our soul. Dwelling in the Word and remembering Scripture are key to a contented life.

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." - Psalm 23:6

Faithfulness. We are called to be faithful and be good stewards of all the resources God has blessed us with. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. (Luke 12:14)

"One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in that which is another's, who will give you that which is your own?" - Luke 16:10

Gentleness. We are called to be gentle towards one another.

"Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." - 1 Timothy 6:11b

"To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." - Titus 3:2

Self-Control. Being a mom, this is an area that is very hard. Toddler tantrums can make you lose control and you end up doing something that you will regret later on. Self-control is something that God is teaching me a lot lately.

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.." - Proverbs 25:28

It is pleasing to God when we take care of our body, but there are more to life than just our physical beings. We may be happy, but we have no joy. We may be full, but never satisfied. We may be rich, but no contentment. We may be surrounded by many people, but still feel lonely (link). Life can end just like that, without notice. But when we give our life to God, He will take care of us and satisfy our hunger and thirst. 

What fruits of the Spirit is easiest and hardest for you?